A Familiar Stranger
by Little Escapist
Summary: In the dead of night, Dean thinks about his brother and what has become of them. Post 6x05, so spoilers to that episode.


Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural. I just have to sort things that happened in the show on paper...

A/N: This I just had to write, because the latest episode broke my heart, and after Ijust needed to put things in some sort of order in my head. It became this fic.

**A Familiar Stranger **

Dean lay on his bed in yet another motel room, in yet another state, in yet another town. It was late, pale moonlight shone through the window and lighted the dark room a little. Sam breathed deep in his sleep on the other bed, next to him.

Sam. Dean gave a glance towards his brother before continuing to stare at the ceiling. Somewhere a car went by, and its headlights flashed in their room, shadows jumping around before all went dark again. Dean took a deep breath and shifted his legs.

His life had gone downhill ever since Hell. Everything had changed, and if his life had been complicated before, now it was thousand times harder. He knew too much, his life wasn't anymore about killing things and saving people, his life was a mess. There was not a single thing that hadn't changed to worse. And the most terrifying change had been Sam's. During the past three years Dean's brother had become a total stranger. Hell had drawn them apart, from close brothers to something that Dean didn't have a name for. Even though Sam had been acting weird and cold for years now, the latest change, after Sam returned from Hell, was too much. Dean didn't know if he could take it anymore. He had forgiven so much, he had endured so much and always still loved Sam. He had comforted Sam, he had even tried to understand. The brother he loved was good-natured, too stubborn for his own good and, most of all, capable to feel. Sam had been down every time the hunt had gone somehow wrong and someone had paid the price for that. Of course, Dean had felt bad, too, but Sam had taken it to another level completely. Sam had loved, hated and grieved with intensity and never been afraid of showing how he felt. Dean remembered only too well his brother and their Dad together. Sam had always thought too much, too, in Dean's opinion – but it had been just Sam. The way his brother was.

This new post-Hell Sam Dean didn't like at all. Sam after Lucifer was emotionless. His once so expressive face had only one look anymore. He was senseless hunter who didn't care if somebody died. Only killing the monsters mattered. Sam had become a killer, and that was more wrong than anything. The sweet college-boy had turned into a cold machine. Dean felt sick. He sighed and missed his brother. Right now he'd rather visit Sam's grave than live with the man, and it was much said on his part. He had loved Sam his entire life more than anything else, but now even that felt an impossible task.

The last God knows how many hours had been a shock after another. First Dean had been turned into a vampire. And like _that_ wasn't bad enough, there was more to come. He had tried to accept the fact that he was going to be killed. If not by Sam, then by Samuel. Another shock had been the visit to Lisa. Dean had just wanted to say goodbye, but he had screwed everything up. Not a good idea to go for a little visit. Right now he didn't want to even think about Lisa - the woman probably wouldn't be happy too see him after what he had done. Thoughtless, thoughtless idiot you are, Winchester, Dean said to himself and shook his head on the pillow.

And then Samuel had told that there is a cure. Dean still found it hard to believe that he was human again. He had been showed how little he knew about anything. But Sam was the worst thing this time, too.

Before, Sam would have run to him – Dean had seen his brother standing there, when the vampire had forced blood down his throat. Before, Sam would have been worried sick, maybe even more worried than Dean himself. Which was a lot, but so Sam-like. Before, Sam would have done his everything to save his brother, just like he had tried to free Dean from his deal.

This time though, there had been nothing of that. Sam had been so calm and cool about it. Dean had _heard_ his heartbeat, and it had been all steady. Like there was nothing to fear, like Dean hadn't just been turned into a monster. Sam hadn't given a single sign that he was worried. If he even was, which Dean suspected not. "_I'm just trying to calm myself." _The kid had lied. Lied right to Dean's face. Dean knew it, and he was sure that Sam was aware of his knowledge. Sam knew Dean. Sam had to know that he couldn't trick Dean. Not before,and totally not when Dean was able to hear his far too steady heartbeat!

Dean had been broken a million times. He had _died_ several times. He had lost all the people he loved at least once, except for Lisa and Ben. Sam had been on his side the longest. Sam had been the one to help Dean keep his mind together. Sam had been the only reason to say no to Michael when there were no solutions to anything. Sam was the sole reason he kept fighting. Or rather Sam had been, once. Honestly, Dean didn't know if he was that anymore.

The new Sam was a stranger. Like someone else in beloved's body. In truth, even Lucifer had been more believable while acting his brother than this new Sam. Something was terribly off and Dean felt responsible.

He always felt responsible for his little brother.

If he hadn't gone to take him from his studies, maybe Sam would now live happily his life. If Dean could have let Sam die on the first time… And if Yellow-Eyes had never even existed. Dean sighed. If. That was the most annoying word he knew. It allowed everything and nothing at all. Past could not be changed, as Castiel had shown him.

Dean put his hands under his head and closed his eyes for a while. He wished this night could be just another night, Sammy sleeping peacefully and a ghost waiting to be burned in the morning. But it wasn't. It totally wasn't that easy anymore. Dean had no idea what would happen in the morning. And Sam, he wasn't Sammy anymore. He was hardly even Sam! He didn't behave like Dean's little brother, and Dean hardly could call him Sam.

Thoughts ran in circles that began from and ended to Sam. Dean hated his life now more than ever, even more than when the angels had put enormous pressure on him. Sam, his Sammy, Sasquatch, and 'bitch'. The thing that had kept Dean going. Sam had so long been the centerpiece of Dean's life. Take care of Sammy – that was pretty much what Dean was. He was the one to take care of his brother. Even though Sam was an adult, and smart, knew his way around the world, Dean had been responsible. Dean had failed somewhere because Sam had become like that.

That once so warm, living, feeling, laughing little brother had turned into stone.

Dean was lost and more alone than ever before with the familiar looking stranger by his side.


End file.
